Where's the Shame in Survival?
background credits: my sister
There is no better adjective
to describe an individual who sprinkles amaranthine in the darkness of the woods;
There is no better adverb to describe how the words uttered reverberate from tree to tree, emboldening tree critters to emerge from their hollowed caves and refuges in the canopies;
There is no better pronoun
to describe the whole phenomenon as the deforestation of the secret garden.
We all have the courage in us;
people around us who we assume to have made the difference on our lives simply prod us to express the courage that we harbor within ourselves - give yourself the due credit you deserve for the risk you took to speak.
For the souls who feel suffocated by the sheer density of the forest separating you from making your presence known, rise to the treetops to breathe and release the steady brontide of struggles you wish to be let known to the civilization not too far away.
You are the sun and soon when you realize that your past is not a source of embarrassment, honey, you will soon be the sun that scintillates, luring all the planets to orbit around the story - the story of you.
Honey, I know you're afraid to speak your truth; you're afraid of what they may think but why are you hiding behind the curtains of concealment when there is so much celebratory catharsis in the unveiling of your emergence from pain? Sure, there will be naysayers who may condemn your decision to speak up regarding an issue everyone is so hush-hush about, but where is the thrill of living if you suppress your years of moulting in your chrysalis out of mere fear?
"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
Many people look at me and observe my openness about mental health as if I'm some sort of mythical creature from another dimension and I'm perplexed as to why I don't really have qualms to verbalize my opinions and experiences with this issue.
Sometimes, due to this overwhelming questioning about my choice to speak up, I feel guilty for sharing my story as society casts such stories as taboo and unnecessary to highlight to avoid marring the smooth surface that covers the small talk and superficial safe topics that we bask in to shroud away from the deep things. I'm honestly tired of covering up, as if its a heinous crime to suffer from an illness that is so far from what we chose to have as a dementor overshadowing us. I suppose we get blinded by what society shoves down our throats that it is disgraceful to present our "dirty laundry" in public - but why?
Isn't it a much more awful sight to have a society of cover-ups and fake smiles?
Isn't it uglier to have a generation of insensitive and fearful people who shun innocent individuals who lack the ability to speak for themselves?
Isn't it sadder to have the mentally ill categorized as deviants by society who should be eternally locked in filthy asylums in the fringes of society - out of sight, out of mind?
Is that really a lovely image that you hope to see in your vision of the future world we will continue to inhabit for decades to come?
Truth is, this 'courage' did not fall from the sky. I've hesitated, I've regretted, I've wished that I had followed what society had indoctrinated me with about the norms of social conversation - but that does not mean that my passion to share was ever extinguished in its entirety. I think about the sights as painted by the aforementioned questions I've raised and it jolts me back to express the courage I had inside. I've been stunted by the myriad of criticisms online, demolishing any audacity I had to make my story heard, I have overheard countless conversations where people around me mock people like me as "insane" and "xiao! (crazy in mandarin), I've seen ill looks and witnessed friends getting fired or denied job opportunities just because of the stigma attached to declaring their mental health history and it seriously makes me so upset.
I'm blessed enough to have been given the chance to stay with the mentally ill in a psych ward, in fact grow up in a climate of people who suffered a variety of common ones. I'm seriously so grateful to have had the chance to see how stigmas are nothing more than horse poop because behind their hysterical fits, was a soul just waiting to be reclaimed, accepted and celebrated for overcoming their battle in solitude that no one cared to understand. Individuals struck with this internal turmoil have the greatest stories to tell, I've heard ones hailing as far as Hainan, China and it broke my heart to hear all their stories remain behind the soundproof doors of the ward. I agree some of them have been so jaded by the skewed misconceptions by people that they are never given a chance to speak their mind - shouldn't we, those who have the capability to express the concealed secrets of the reality of mental illnesses amplify the whispers spoken to us?
I'm not saying that those who stay silent after fighting are timid, for I know so many who have chosen to do so who are hella brave in their own way and I really respect that. However, what I'm saying is that if you ever feel the same rage as I do regarding this subtle yet rigid barrier of equalizing mental and physical health, if you want to release your story in hopes of finding pride in your journey out of pain or to inspire the change in those struggling, please don't let feeble fear fool you into staying chained to familiarity and comfort of what society wants you to conform to.
After all, there is no shame in surviving a storm you never thought you could.
It is time to hijack the silence;
It is time to turn that rustle of leaves into snapping of twigs;
breaking of branches;
thuds of collapsing trees;
the deafening bulldozing destruction of the pristine silence that once was
IT IS TIME TO MAKE NOISE; LOTS OF IT
May is National Mental Health month
and I dare
YOU
to amplify the ruckus the world needs to hear
"You've got the words to change a nation But you're biting your tongue You've spent a life time stuck in silence Afraid you'll say something wrong If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song? So come, on come on Come on, come on You've got a heart as loud as lions So why let your voice be tamed? Baby we're a little different There's no need to be ashamed You've got the light to fight the shadows So stop hiding it away Come on, Come on I wanna sing, I wanna shout I wanna scream till the words dry out So put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid They can read all about it"