The Man Behind it All
On this day two years ago, I delivered this eulogy to summarize the memories I had with my late grandpa - the only man in my life who gave me hope then of existence of goodness in guys and marriages in general.
The Man Behind it All?
Anthony Wee Ah-Chye
You Have Made Me Brave
Dear Ah Kong:
It seems like just yesterday that you'd call me up and say 'cannny cheeee' on the phone, and proceed to provide me with a lifetime supply of bible verses. I remember your cute kan-chiongness and characteristic repeated calls that made you so endearing. I remember it all. I remember the visits to your house in bedok. I remember how my mom used to tell me to reject the money that you generously gave and how you'd secretly pass me the money anyway when my mom wasn't looking. You were just so giving. I remember how you'd pray for me to get into ACJC saying with such certainty "YOU WILL GET INTO ACJC." and that God will provide for me. You've been the strongest and most inspiring Christian I know. I miss how you'd keep assuring me "God will take care of me". I really miss these memories. Also, I miss how excited you'd be to visit IKEA (and yup I was equally as excited as you) and Hans to eat your favourite fish and chips and hainanese chicken chop and drink your favourite kopi c siu dai. You displayed love in the purest form I've ever witnessed. You loved poh poh so much that you stayed by her side no matter what; even attending Chinese church services just for her even though you struggled with understanding mandarin. Your love was so immense and amazing, it's really something I admire and can only hope that I'll be able to give back one day. I miss your enthusiasm to participate in your exercise classes and how you'd eat your food so happily. I know there's nothing much I can do now but I'm determined to keep my promise to you. I will continue to eat well and take care of myself the way you would've wanted me to. I'll give up all my negative coping mechanisms because you taught me to treasure and love life and live for God. You changed my life in these 18 years. You inspired me to stay positive and trust God and seriously no other soul has been better at inspiring me to be a better person more than you. You've lived these 83 years simply but fruitfully and though I am sad to see you go, I know I have nothing to fear coz you're in God's amazing presence forevermore.
And albeit all my lapses,
I'm so sorry that I was so deep in ED to dare to be so disrespectful and selfish to purge through your mourning period, gosh how awful was I to do that :(
I know that it is key to recover for myself; but I hope you know that my promise to you is what keeps me on track when I have those insistent thoughts and urges you believed in me and as I said to you in the moments after you passed, I promise to believe in myself too till the day I turn to ashes.
