“If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.”
“If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.”
-Ruthie Lindsey
I was just scrolling through tumblr and I saw this quote and I felt compelled to share the beauty I have seen in the metamorphosis of my dearest friend.
She was the girl who started out as the forgotten one, the one who felt like she was an extra accessory. She had as little confidence in herself there was enough hope in the growth of a boiled seed into a seedling plant. I'm using bio here pathetically might I add Coz I'm trying to get on her same intellectual level haha.
I've never witnessed anything more profoundly heartwarming than to see the blossoming of so many of my dearest friends and this girl is just the epitome of all that encapsulates all aspects of beauty I've ever witnessed.
Say it's cheesy but I feel like it'll be horrible not to tell the world of the existence of such hopeful angels that restore goodness in the blanket of cynicism and sin engulfed fog. She cuts through like the morning breeze that dissipates the pain that humidifies the environment and she enables people who are suffocating to have clear moving air all over again.
I've seen her grow from the age of childhood innocence which she clings onto more strongly and enduringly than anyone I've even known. It's so rare I believe to find such a "living under a rock Saint" hah!
I remember my first ever memorable sharing of feelings (much like Lois Lowry's The Giver) when I was just in Primary School and we were on stage together with another girl who eventually joined that very friend of mine to Med school. The other girl was playing the ever so catchy "chopsticks" on the piano in the primary school hall as the two of us sat nearby on the wooden planks of dark tiles of stability. The anthem of our MG childhood reverberated throughout the hall which formed as the faint backdrop of this first time I opened up about my deep academic worries to anyone other than my mom. I confided in her told her I was worried that I wasn't paying attention in classes and I feel guilty. I asked her how she did it. Normally, by this time, you'd expect the usual mocking jeers of a typical child who'll pass unforgiving and ignorant judgements but no. This angel didn't. She simply innocently inquired why I felt that way, and simply told me "idk! Just listen la! It's not your fault." Among other lines of piecemeal comforts a child was capable of. But more than ever, I've never actually met anyone in my life until then who cared to hear me out, and even then she was just an ordinary classmate. She didn't need to care about me, but behind those clear oval lenses and centre-parted hair was the birth of an angel I never thought would have stayed with me for the next decade.
The very girl on that stage that day was the core crew member in charge of adjusting the lighting effects, to turn on the spotlight on the right spot when that space was cloaked with unwelcomed darkness. She shielded me from the boos and bashing tomatoes from haters in the crowd as she lowered the curtains to stop the ambush from hitting me. She provided the props (that she crafted in volunteer sessions in the ever so famous library) - props that were the simplistic objects of innocent giving morals that I soon wanted to emulate. She provided the strobe lights of alternating colours to enrich the setting on stage to make it excitingly retarded the way I loved being Coz we are both spazzy bodos at heart.
She is honestly a testament of the many angels I've encountered here in my life. She started as a girl enveloped in self doubt, lack of self belief and she was pelted with condemnations about her illegible handwriting, her then questionable oratorical abilities, her "tidiness" or lack thereof and blurness. Back then, no one ever thought she'd be the princess. She was just all over the place as her stuff were "organised" in her fat file and scattered room. We'd chastise her for her poor clothing variety and her messiness and teachers too didn't believe in her.
But she believed. I knew, well I presume to have known some of her inner demons. I had vague glimpses of the common devils who whispered that she could never pull of studying the whole bio syllabus in one night, of finishing scripts or essays in a night, of how she'd never make it through O's and IB with her insanely packed schedule. There was worry that wrecked her heart, incomprehensible heartache that no one should have to endure when she felt partly responsible for not stopping her friend from suicide. She had parents who berated her or well didn't believe in her absolute capabilities and misunderstood her intentions.
I could sense the inner sadness that I was oh so familiar with. Everything was dejavu. How I could sense the inner shame of outer appearance that didn't match up to what exactly was society's expectations of model beauty. I knew the feeling and my heart just empathised with her situation so so much. To empathise with the inner shame when people ask you why you're always wearing school based clothes (despite your arguments of how they are comfortable etc, I rmb I put up that same argument for many years Coz I felt unworthy to be shopping or whatever. I was gonna be too ugly Anyways so why bother trying?) I don't know if she ever felt this way, but the very tone she had when she defended her clothing choices just resounded so much with me. I remember her not wanting to shop with friends, the fear I sensed Coz I felt that way for ages, go have that inner critique hacking your self esteem when you see how your friends can pick out anything they like at a store and you can at most muster up the courage to try on one piece Coz you're petrified of what you'll see in the mirror. The envy you may have felt when you saw everyone clad in the most glamourous outfits. Dearie I can sense that inner pain deep deep down inside. She wasn't confident. She didn't feel picture perfect beautiful - but -
“The sign of a beautiful person is she always sees the beauty in others.”
-Omar Suleiman
That superficial beauty wasn't what exuded from her soul. It was her heart. Her forgiveness and acceptance of pain and perseverance to capitalise on vulnerabilities and insecurities to twist them into strengths worth gasping at in admiration.
“That’s when I realized what a true friend was. Someone who would always love you - the imperfect you, the confused you, the wrong you - because that is what people are supposed to do.”
A true friend. She is my guardian angel.
She kept things to herself when she was aching, she fought battles, through sleepless nights finishing things hurriedly before dreaded due dates and frazzled over crazy copyright infringement possibilities. It was so so much to take in and I know she didn't have much support at home. She broke out of the cocoon she was so afraid to leave for 16 years. She had been crawling along inching along as a caterpillar, as an ugly duckling as we have all felt at one point in our lives, she had spent enough time in the shadows and she took that leap of faith as she ventured into the social waters of her new school, she joined drama for crying out loud - the very girl who was terrified of even ordering food at a restaurant Coz she had to talk to a stranger. She made the Emory shell of life meaningful with countless self initiated volunteer jobs and never gave up even when some turned her away. Her heart is unlike any I've ever had the grace to encounter. Just the other day she sang and opened her heart for a public sharing of one of her most painful memories and I had almost had tears brimming in my eyes - to have seen the most beautiful transformation of my life.
The girl who didn't believe in herself
The girl who self doubted
The girl who people didn't believe would make it
Overcame it ALL and so much more
There is hope.
She showed me that there IS hope for broken people. She flourished into a floating faith testament and no one can clip her wings now as she flies into more realms and pollinates the voidness of some flowers everywhere to maximise its potential just like she did for me.
the angel that has been saving my life - thank you.